Thursday, May 7, 2009

Um yeah........

So as I just learned from, The Devil Wears Prada (I utterly refuse to abbreviate the gay ass band names) is going to out sell the new chimaira album. Okay....beyond the first understandable and justified first reaction of mass slaughter, I think, this is probably a good thing. Let the fuck-tards swarm Best-Buy and Wal-Mart and: 1. boost the economy with the money they accumulated last Tuesday sucking the dicks of dead dogs (if you don't get the song reference, you need culture), 2. Keep your ass out of real metal or real music for that matter. Did the lead winer's mom come up with the name for this band or did he just read it off the label on her shirt as he was breast feeding? and 3. It gives me something to bitch about. Again, the PUSSIFICATION of America (another reference that you should know and if you don't stop licking the lead paint and get some fucking culture). So my vote, if The Devil Wears Prada wants publicity I say lets give them the swine flu and send them to Egypt. Those motherfuckers know how to handle shit, just kill it all. and it closing, here is a picture to ponder while your world is being devoured by the swine flu, or by the unrelenting stupidity of the human race, flip a coin, then eat it, the zinc will protect you from the swine flu and make you breath minty fresh.

As Always,
The Reclusive Blue NinJa

FUCK ALLAH, were outta BACON!!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Cinco de Mayo

Hot damn its Cinco de Mayo, oh yeah, wait, whoopty fucking do da. Am I a Mexican? No, I'm a ninJa. Do I give a shit about the fact some mexicans defeated some frogs on may 5th? No. Texas should succeed and we could give Mexico Texas as a Cinco de Mayo present. See what they do with the shithole, hey, hey now...Don't mess with Texas .....(because its not nice to pick on retards). But master ninJa, Cinco de Mayo is a holiday watered down by America's frat boy culture, so it's drinking holiday, right? Every fucking holiday is a drinking holiday and anyone of those where someone preferentially hands me a corona, goes low on my list. In closing here are some pictures of happy Mexicans for Cinco de Mayo and one picture of the burro that had to haul all the piss water corona up the hill to the bar last night.

Drink one for me, oh wait, too late, and please keep your fruit in your own beer,
The Reclusive Blue NinJa


And its that fast......

Is it me or am I the only fucking person who doesn't give a two shits and a fuck about the fact you're having a baby? I'm not clapping, not putting money in the collection plate and I'm in the process of not giving a shit. Keep your indiscretions to yourself and shut the fuck up. I've got plenty of shit to worry about, did I leave the oven on, finding the right ceil blue headgear, trying no to listen to the voice that tells me to strangle the next person who tells me any band better than GWAR, these are real problems, that I do not ask for your help with so leave me alone. And I'm supposed to rejoice that there's another bundle of puke and shit on the way that I have to listen to in the line at the ABC store or at the Adult Superstore trying to pick out your mom's mother's day present. Keep your health problems to yourself, and don't ask me to care, because I don't. And if you're incapable of completing your daily tasks, I don't feel sorry for you, stay at home and suck some more cock.

Hugs and Kisses,
The reclusive Blue NinJa

Monday, May 4, 2009

Hello and goodbye......

On a brilliant wave of lightning from the 6 or 7 corners of Egypt, a blistering beluge of noise that makes the meek scream "God What an Awful Racket", and a flood of beer from the crystal streams of Milwaukee that would make Moses run for his inhaler ushers in the end of an era. At this time the reclusive blue ninja is out of work (for a bit), has began the month of Debauchery 2009 and is slated for the the cumbersomely named "Bring Debauchery 2009 to the east side of the US" tour. It's been a long road and a long time coming for the reclusive one, battles of epic proportion, constant scheduling errors and the ever constant battle with remembering to put the trash out on Thursday takes its toll on the ever shadowed one. There's an epic history to insert here that may be written one day if we can train the peasants your english writing but until then it remains a story only told on the second Tuesday of August during a leap year or the day Texas succeeds, because the blue ninja has been dreaming of that for sometime... Anyway as you sit there flipping between this and quadriplegic midget porn hosted by Sarah Palin (assuming anybody reads this shit), The end has come, the line now stretches from this makeshift lair to dark side of Pluto (its still a planet because I'm old school, so fuck off) of the minions who now line up to kiss the shadowed one's ass. A call was put out and the flocks came and they all will be sent home with a care package of Maybelline cover up for the boot print to their face (provided free of charge for the first 754 contestants), an empty can of Old Mil and a nice hearty cup of shut the fuck up. Behold, my friends and random motherfuckers jacking off at Starbucks with nothing else to do, the end marks the beginning of the shadowed one beginning this thing you call a blog. Many stories have passed and will go untold, many more will come and I'll probably forget them but anyway, tune in, and see what happens.
Until the swans return from Mogadishu,
The Reclusive Blue Ninja

P.S. Tell your mom thanks...